Okay, I admit it. On Tuesday night I went to see Alien vs Predator. It sucked. I was expecting a certain degree of suckitude, after all, this is written and directed by Paul W.S. Anderson. He’s the guy who brought us Resident Evil, Soldier (starring Kurt Russell), Event Horizon, and Mortal Kombat.With that said, those movies weren’t totally sucky, they all had flashes of brilliance, and Event Horizon had minutes of brilliance!

AvP however? Not so much so. There are so many logic gaps, so many stupid decisions, and so many outright flaws in the script that it wasn’t funny.

All of my most hated movie sins are represented here. Bad dialogue? Check. Bad action scenes? Check. A too-dark-enviornment? Check. Dumb characters doing dumber things? Check. Stupid pseudo science? Check. Poor continuity? Check.

Example; In every existing Aliens movie, it takes quite a while for an Alien to gestate, in this one it takes minutes. Okay, so maybe these are “Super Fast Breeding Aliens”, who are on the Alien equivalent of a speed/steroid mix. Explain then why one character gets implanted and apparently takes half the movie to gestate? Why is 3M’s powerful Gore-Tex material the only substance immune to Alien blood? How is it possible to stick your hand inside an Alien’s skull? When someone says “We have to stay together at all costs.”, and in the NEXT FRIGGIN’ SCENE someone doesn’t…why don’t the good guys just kill that character right there and then? It would save the audience from having to watch the character for the next hour knowing that he’s going to die! Establishing that a character has kids DOES NOT MAKE HIM/HER SYMPATHETIC!

Nope, I can’t do it anymore. This movie sucks much road kill. Do not go see it.

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