Apparently victory smells like bacon. Fabio flavoured bacon that is. After being stooged out by the “5-oh”, and being unable to appear at this year's Bond Street Cup (for reasons which I am still unable to speak about on the authority of my team of French Lawyers), my Bond Street Cup trophy has been moved from the protective bunker in my home which it is usually kept in, and was awarded to April “The Fuzz” B and Fabio “The Itallian Stallion” R.
To make matters worse, Fabio sent out the following taunt on Friday;
Bionic man found in Ajax
Weekly World News
The Jax (WWN) – Local residents say that there has been a lot of strange noises emanating from a new subdivision in the metropolis of Ajax. “It sounds almost human, but I'm not sure”, stated local resident Jimmy Stanton, “Its starting to scare the kids.”
Further investigation has uncovered that a certain “Brain Garside” has had a bionic elbow implanted into his right arm. He was hoping to capture the vaunted Bond Street Cup Quoits championship for the second consecutive year. The initial operation went fine, however, when interfacing with the state of the art Windows ME software to control arm angle, launch velocity and release point, something went wrong.
“All I heard was screaming,” mumbled neighbor Marshall Durst.
“Something about not having a security pack or patch or something.
Several eyewitness report that “Brain's” arm kept trying to twist into strange shapes. “I was right there,” proclaimed Ajaxian 'Slim' Jones, “His arm was doin' all kinds of bendy things and he was saying things like 'It looks like you are trying to write a letter'. It ain't normal I tell ya.”
There have been rumours of failed blood tests and possible HGH abuses, but those have been laughed at by area residents. “All I saw was a huge arc welder and a bunch of boxes of software,” said Gary Bellmore, “Oh yeah, and some comics too.”
Then on Monday, April sent out the following totally gloaty message:
Just want to send a “SHOUT OUT” to all my fans……..actually, I'd really like to thank Nikki and Tim and their secret spy/weapon; Sophie for the great tourny on Sat. It was a lot of fun!! Nice to see everyone there!
And Fab, a heart felt, “thanks man, for making my dream come true” going out to you brotha, couldn't have done it without you.
So “Brain”, Brian, whoever you are, 2007 is just around the proverbial corner, I just hope you're ready.
April “don't tell anyone about my obsession with 'roids” B
Hmmm, I get stooged by the “5-oh”, and the fuzz wins the coveted Bond Street Cup.
I smell a conspiracy. Next year things will be different, and the Bond Street Cup will return to it's rightful place on my mantle.
Tim, I think we should consider putting an asterix next to this year's victory since NEITHER of the previous year's winners were able to be on hand to defend their championship.
Fab, April, congratulations on your victory. Enjoy the victory, next year I shall come with great vengeance and furious anger, and you will know my name is the Roqq.